


Burning Vengeance Revelations

by TheMidnightCrew



Series: The Studio [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gary Stu, Humor, MST3k-Style Riffing, Naruto: Veangance Revelaitons, Questionable Consent, Satire, This is a Naruto fanfic in name only, This story makes Spades wanna die, We'll suffer through this story so you won't have to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMidnightCrew/pseuds/TheMidnightCrew
Summary: An infamous story. A returning duo. A series of terrible jokes.Watch as hosts M.C. and Spades tear apart Naruto: Vengeance Revelations apart, sharing wisecracks and misery in a commentary of a nightmare of a story.
Series: The Studio [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713187
Kudos: 2





	1. Prologue

Far, far out of the sleepy little town, in a setting that seemed to be the prime spot for the slaughter zone in a horror or crime film, stood a small studio. For years it had stood there untouched, the lights off, the doors locked, not a soul seen coming in or out.

Once it had been where terrible, horrible, just absolutely atrocious stories had been read, the hosts tormenting themselves by reading through pages upon pages of ghastly writing, wading through dreadfully awful spelling and grammar just to entertain the masses. The studio began, they say, in the quiet year of 2014, though some argued it was earlier than that, with a notorious story by the name of _My Immortal_. People flocked to their reading, enthralled by how they tore into the story with bad jokes in an attempt to emulate _Mystery Science Theater 3000_. From there, it was said, they spread out to other stories.

Rumors, however, began circulating when the studio suddenly stopped. Some claimed that the madness of these horrible stories finally got to the two hosts and their small crew. That they had begun reading a story that surpassed both _My Immortal_ and PrincessAmerica’s _Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh from God_ series, and that it had been too much for them. The rumors claimed that they were now locked away somewhere in an asylum, screaming over and over, day in and day out phrases that few would understand. _“It’s_ ‘THE’ _not_ ‘teh’, _THE, THE, THE!’_ some say they scream, while others claim that all the hosts do now is sob and cry, their words as unintelligible as the stories they’ve read.

Kids would come out to the studio in the dead of night, breaking into the studio from a window. To test their bravery, some would claim, while others would force newer kids to go in as a hazing trial disguised as a test of courage.

No one left the studio the same.

One soul claimed that he heard something loud crawling through the air vents, that doors would open and close without him touching it. Another had found the long abandoned breakroom of the studio and swore someone threw a plate at him, though not a soul was to be found beside himself. Shadows, others claimed, they saw shadows on the wall, heard footsteps chasing them, screaming and laughing.

It was decided. The studio was cursed.

But then over the course of a single night the studio changed. The older teens who would come out to the building to smoke, drink, and party where their parent’s couldn’t find them had driven the same road they always had and came to the studio the same time they always had, only to find that it was different.

The faded grey paint had been removed, covered with a fresh layer of white. The trimming redone. Walls had been torn down and remade. The studio had expanded, a new wing added on. Windows had been knocked out and replaced, the roof redone, new doors implemented. The old sign had been taken down, only to be replaced by bright neon lights. “The Midnight Crew” flashed through the air in blue and green. And they knew that the rumors weren’t as true as they had thought.

The scene begins on a chilly April day. The time is 6:30 in the morning, the sun has only just begun it’s rise over the horizon, painting the black sky of the fading night with beautiful shades of orange and blue. The birds have begun waking, chirping as they set off to find their worms. A squirrel blinks awake, peering it’s head out of it’s den and scampers off to find what breakfast it can.

For many, this weekday morning was to be the same as any. Non-essential workers would be staying home, some might be doing their work from their own home offices. The essential workers would be out and about, doing their jobs and receiving the bare minimum of appreciation for their hard work from the many, many, ungrateful customers they must serve.

For some, this day was the start of a more mentally taxing job.

The doors of the studio opened suddenly, the sturdy metal doors slamming against the walls as the large gorilla lumbered in through the front doors, wiping his bare feet onto the newly bought carpet. He grunted as he walked, the monkeys scrambling across the room quickly parting for Abel, screeching and laughing in their own monkey-talk way as they bounced and ran. Their excitement was palpable, and even though the gorilla seemed far from happy, those who knew what to look for could tell that he was just as excited.

One might have thought monkeys were all that would be found in the newly refurbished studio, monkey’s and a single gorilla, but that was not the case. Further into the studio, beyond what would have been designated the “Audience Section” and into the “Staff Only” part of the studio was where the others would have been found.

On the stage, the curtains hiding the empty audience seating, were the rest. A white woman in her late forties anxiously paces the carpet stage, worrying a pen between her teeth as she stared at a clipboard. She had the lines of age running through her face, and her brown hair was hanging down past her shoulder. She moved quick for a woman wearing heels and a pencil skirt, perhaps a sign that she had been at this job for a long time that she had mastered the art of moving in a business attire fluidly.

Adjusting one of the set lights was a young man of thirty-some years. He was Hispanic by the looks of it, dressed professionally, though the electrician gloves he wore took away the professionality of his attire—not that anyone would blame him for such a thing. Safety was important here, to a certain degree, and as he fiddled with the wires, he had to wear the gloves. But his gloves were not what was important. He let out a happy “Ah-ha!” when the light flickered on, shining right into the woman’s face. She yelped, stumbled back a step to shield her eyes. 

“Mr. Cruz!” she yelled when the young man fumbled to turn the light back off. “Please, _please_ be mindful of where you have it facing when you turn on the light.”

He turned the light to face the plush _Savesto_ sectional, and the _Emerge Furniture_ black and white glass coffee table. (They had seemingly spared no expense in refurnishing the studio by the looks of things). “I’m sorry, Debra,” Alejandro apologized nervously. “I didn’t actually expect it to turn on that easily.”

Debra watched him and sighed, a smile finding it’s way to her tired face. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m glad you got it to work. And so far everything is looking right as rain.” The way that Alejandro’s face brightened could rival the sun. “Now, now all we need is for the two to show up, and then we can actually start.”

As if waiting for his cue, Abel shouldered his way through the back door leading to the stage, grunting in greeting to the stage manager and intern. In his arms were two rather unhappy young adults.

“Ah! Abel! Thank you so much!” Debra, her clipboard tucked under an arm and her pen in the breast pocket of her blouse, clapped her hands together. “Thank you, thank you! I knew we could count on you!”

Abel grunted. Then he dropped the two onto the ground.

“What the… what the fuck?” M.C. yelled as he shoved himself up onto his knees, rubbing his face and looking around the room. His eyes widened as his mind processed just what this was. “ _What the actual fuck_?!”

Beside him, Spades groaned, her face still buried into the blue carpet of the stage and her words muffled by it. “M.C., dude… it’s to early; keep your voice down,” she moaned.

It was still morning, many would have still been in bed at this time, and the two hosts were not any different. It was from their very beds that the gorilla had dragged them from, carrying them off through the chilly April morning streets out of town and to the studio. So, it shouldn’t have come to anyone’s surprise that neither were dressed for the occasion in any way. They were both still wearing their pajamas. For Spades, it was a simple grey shirt and fuzzy Harley Quinn pants. M.C., as was par for the course with him, was only wearing a pair of black knit pants.

“Spades! M.C.! I’m so glad you were able to get here without any problems,” Debra smiled at the two, her old friends and former coworkers-slash-boss-slash-nightmares.

Despite Spades’ words, M.C. did not, in fact, keep his voice down. He wrapped his arms around himself and glared at Debra. “Don’t you dare act sweet! What the fuck is going on?” he demanded as he pushed himself onto his feet. “What? Did you think it’d be some big fucking joke to drag me from my own house? Do you think we’re some fucking clowns?” he snarled.

“Maybe~!”

M.C. took in a deep, deep breath, the anger turning his face red as he slowly turned around. Sitting on the couch, feet kicked up onto the coffee table, and drinking a smoothie was none other than Khaxan. His _SECURITY_ hat was currently being tossed up and down in the air by his tail and he gave them a toothy grin with the straw held between his teeth. Despite his reputation as a demon lord, a violent, sociopathic, murderous fiend, but perhaps not surprising giving his history on this show, Khaxan was wearing a large pink knitted sweater with a kitten on the front.

Holding up a hand, the demon gave them a wave. “Long time no see, Mr. Grouchypants.”

Spades rolled over so that she was now laying on her back rather than on her stomach. “Khaxan!” she greeted, waving at him and smiling. “It’s been so long—oooh! What’s this!” she threw herself to her feet to rush over to the couch, grabbing the demon by his face as she stared at him. “Your hair! You grew it out!”

True to her words, Khaxan’s appearance had changed during the years since the Midnight Crew had last been together. While it was not a drastic change, time did not age a demon as quickly as it did humans, he did look noticeably different. His hair, as Spades had pointed out, being the most drastic. It was no longer short and spiked in a way that defied gravity. Rather, he had finally allowed gravity to touch his hair, letting it hang down, reaching just past his jaws. His eyes, though, had also changed. They were still mismatched in color and design, but there weren’t as noticeable of bags underneath anymore.

“Hey, what can I say,” Khaxan laughed, ducking his head down so that she could run her fingers through the black strands. “Spikey hair isn’t as cool. Gotta grow up. Though by the looks of it, you two have grown some as well. Well--- you have, Spades. M.C. hasn’t grown an inch.”

“Fuck you!”

"You wish," Khaxan stuck his tongue out in a playful manner, laughing at the way M.C.'s face grew redder as he fumed with unbridled rage.

Pulling away from Spades' curious hands, Khaxan raised his own to pat her on the head, messing up the already mess of bedhead that was her hair. It was shorter, he might have thought to himself. It used to hang down in a ponytail. Now it was cut into a simple pixie style. It looked good. Even M.C. had gotten a new hairstyle with the blonde highlights adding more color to his looks. "But seriously, look at you two! Done with high school, done with college, you're both grown working adults now!"

As he had said, Spades and M.C. were both a bit different, they looked a bit older, no longer dumb kids in high school nor dumb kids in college. They were now dumb twenty-three year old adults and they looked the part.

Spades laughed, letting go of Khaxan to relax on the couch, “Yep. Though I wouldn’t call us fully working adults. Life is hard, my man.”

“What have you two been up to?” Alejandro asked. “I heard that you got stuck with doing an extra term, but how has life been treating you since you’ve both been freed from the chains of the education system?”

Grumbling, M.C. crossed his arms over his chest. “That was bullshit, mind you, my advisor screwed me over,” he muttered and then shook his head. “It’s absolutely sucked. I’ve been job hunting for months, trying to get a job with the state, no such luck. The quarantine and plague hasn’t been helping; fewer job openings and now all the interviews are done through the phone—I’m _awful_ at phone interviews! And the questions they ask! ‘Give a specific example of when you were in this kind of situation’, what if I was never in that sort of situation? Ugh! It fucking sucks!”

He dragged himself over to the couch, collapsing on it on the other side of Khaxan, seemingly sinking into the soft cushions. Spades laughed, reaching across the demon to pat him on the shoulder in a ‘there, there’ manner.

“What about you, Spades?” Debra asked, nudging Khaxan’s feet off the coffee table. “You graduated last spring, right?”

Spades smiled and nodded, “You are correct, and I second M.C.’s feelings. Adulting sucks. I’m still working at the same job I had in college for similar reasons as him. Stuck with even less hours at my current job cause of the pandemic.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the robotic voice cut in. Both Spades and M.C. looked up as the man, the myth, the machine himself, ROM, walked onto the stage carrying a large box. “Here, let me make everything better by informing the two of you that since the Midnight Crew got picked up by a new network, you’re both contractually obligated to return and resume work here.”

“That’s supposed to make things _better_?” Spades asked, squinting at the bot.

“Oh you have got to be _fucking_ with us!” M.C. yelled.

ROM had no facial muscles, he didn’t even have a mouth or eyebrows, so his expression did not change, but his tone had just the faintest inflection to it that suggested he was irritated. “No, I am not ‘fucking with you’.”

“I am not doing an MST in just a pair of pants! I’m not a fucking hooker!” M.C. continued on, standing up and glaring at their robot producer/manager/machine overlord.

But, in response to his words, ROM dropped the box at their feet. “We already got you everything you will need.”

Spades moved off the couch and slowly opened the box, careful and hesitant, as if there might have been a bomb hidden inside. No, there was no bomb, but by the way M.C. responded, it seemed he would have rather there have been. Rather than anything dangerous, what ROM had given them was a box of clothes for the two to change into.

Pulling out the green jacket, Spades smiled. “Well, it’s not my AOT cloak, but it looks nice and cozy enough,” she said before turning to M.C., smiling brighter, laughing between her words. “Well, partner, what do you say? Shall we bring this show back?”

He glared at her, at the box, at the staff around them. Then, after what had felt like an eternity, M.C. let out a long, dramatic groan, throwing his hands into the air. “Fine! _Fine_!” he conceded, yanking out a few garments from the box. “But! If ratings are shit, I reserve the right to call it quits!”

Debra smiled, clapping her hands together. “Good! Good! We already have your first show set up,” she was already ushering for them to go to the dressing rooms to get changed. “You two will be reading and reviewing an old Naruto fic. Apparently it was the Naruto version of _My Immortal_. A hot mess of a story called _‘Vengeance Revelations;’.”_

“Fuck me!” M.C. yelled, “I hate this already!”


	2. New Power

The stage was set. Now dressed in clothes that weren’t their pajamas, the two hosts sat down on the couch, relaxing against the cushion with a couple of cups of water carefully set on the coffee table before them. The lights were on, illuminating the two on the stage as they relaxed and waited.

The audience seating before them was empty. With this being their return debut, an impromptu, unannounced return at that, and with everyone scrambling to get things put together on such short notice, ROM and Debra hadn’t had the time to send invitations and gather a live audience for the session. Perhaps for this one, there wouldn’t be an audience for a while. Personally, it mattered little to the hosts.

When there weren’t the eyes of countless strangers staring at them as they suffered through these nightmares called stories, it was easier to act natural, easier to relax and banter like they had at the beginning.

“Aren’t you excited to be back?” Spades asked, adjusting the sleeves of her new jacket. “Personally, I’m a bit nervous. It’s been forever! What if I’ve forgotten all our running gags?”

M.C. groaned, slumping deeper into the couch. “Then we’ll make new ones,” he answered.

“New ones?” Spades repeated, and smiled so bright it might as well have outshined the sun, it was bright enough that M.C. was wishing he had taken Khaxan’s sunglasses. “Yeah, new ones! That works. It’s a new us, and so we’ve gotta have new jokes! Oh boy, it’s going to be fun figuring out what our new gags will be! I'm excited for this!”

“I’m sure you are.” Even with how early it was, how grumpy he was, how obvious it was that M.C. did not want to be anywhere but in his bed at that moment, he couldn’t help but smile gently at the genuine joy Spades showed at being back. And maybe he too, a small part of him deep, deep down, was glad to be back to.

Not that he was going to ever admit that to anyone. He would die before he admitted that he actually enjoyed this.

The sharp screech of the speakers had both M.C. and Spades flinching, with the former of the two raising his head to stare up at the sound booth situated above the audience seats. He could just faintly make out the shape of ROM behind the windows. “Give us a bit of a warning before you try to blow out or eardrums, why dontcha?” he growled into the small mic clipped to his shirt.

“No,” ROM answered.

M.C. bit back his response with gritted teeth. “So, are we starting this shit now, or what?” As if to answer, a stack of notecards landed on the coffee table from above, nearly knocking over the glasses of water in their descent. M.C. felt the beginning of a headache forming as he heard Khaxan’s obnoxious snickering from the beams up above. Fuck. Everyone. “Fine. Fine. Let’s get this fuckery over with.”

The two of them took the cards, dividing them amongst themselves and flipped through their stacks to see just what information had been bestowed upon them.

“Okay,” Spades said, pursing her lips as she read her card. “Like Debra had said, we’ll be doing a story called _Naruto: Vengeance Revelations_. Apparently it was written somewhere between 2011 or 2013. I’m not sure which, though. It was taken down a few times and reposted. With good reasons, I presume.”

M.C. groaned, wanting to throw his cards to the side but refrained from doing so. “Yeah, I’d bet there was good reason. Honestly, from what I heard, it’s kind of hard finding the full, unedited story on the internet. Let’s see… what else is there to say…” he flipped through the cards, squinting at the writing. “It was written by a Jake Tanner…”

“Also known as BadassJakeT97,” Spades added, then paused. “T97… that’s a type of gun, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a gun.” M.C. didn’t feel like his frown was going to change anytime soon. It was 2011, sure, so these edgy names were common among boys and girls alike trying to make themselves seem cooler. Not that he saw the point in it. In retrospect it just made the person seem sillier at best, dumber at worse. Well, here’s hoping Jake had grown up and moved on from his edgelord years.

He shook his head once again, tossing the cards onto the coffee table. “ _Uuuuuuugh_! I really don’t want to do this,” he confessed, letting out a long, dramatic groan as he covered his face with his hands. “I want to go back to bed.”

Laughing, Spades leaned over to wrap an arm around his shoulders, butting her head against his own. “Come on, M.C.! It’ll be fun! Just like old times.”

“Don’t you dare look me in the eyes and say that it was fun back then. It felt like my eyes were burning and my brain was melting with each chapter we had to read!”

“Yeah, maybe so,” she conceded, but she was still smiling as she moved to rest her chin on his shoulder, jabbing her fingers into his rib. “But everyone who enjoyed it and read it made it worthwhile, didn’t it?” she asked him. “We made a lot of people happy. We’ll make a lot of people happy coming back, too. Isn’t that worth anything to you?”

He hated it. He hated that she was right even more. It was nice to make people happy now and then, and the fact that people actually liked the trash they were pushing out did make the work somewhat enjoyable. And, with the way Spades was looking at him and clinging to him, he couldn’t just get up and leave. He hated that the most.

“Ugh! Fine!” M.C. shoved her off, glaring at the table, “Fine, let’s get started. The sooner we get this chapter done, the sooner I can go back to bed.”

Spades followed suit, throwing her cards onto his own and then jabbing a finger up at the sound booth. “You heard him, ROM!” she called up to the robot with a grin on her face. “Let’s get started! I’m ready to see what kind of monstrosity we’re tackling this time.”

* * *

**ok so this is a stori u just wrlte by me.**

M.C.: I’m trying, I’m really trying. But right out the gate… there is no way that anyone is this genuinely bad at spelling.

Spades: Is he saying “This is a story _you_ just wrote by me”? because that makes no sense.

M.C.: When have these _ever_ made sense?

Spades: Fair point.

**its in NARUTO world so i hope u guys lik it ok.**

M.C.: I’ve never read this, but I’ve heard war stories of this story. I KNOW I won’t like this.

Spades: But I _will_ enjoy reviewing it!

M.C.: Of course you will.

**AN: thers no dudes fucking becuase tht is fucking gross. im not a fuckin yaio faggot hees.**

M.C.: Aaaah. Right. Wouldn’t be a proper shitfic trollfic without blatant homophobia.

Spades: There is nothing gross about men being in a happy, consenting relationship. What is with these authors and having to be so gross with their hate? You can write a story without any LGBT+ content and not be homophobic about it.

**NARUTO: venganse revelatipns**

Spades: Let’s make a drinking game out of this! Take a shot every time he misspells his own title!

M.C.: This story has seventy chapters, we’ll die of alcohol poisoning before we’re halfway through.

M.C. Then again, the alcohol might make this more tolerable.  
  


**CHAPTER ONE:new power**

Spades: Ooof!

M.C.: Hm?

Spades: I just skimmed down at the body of the chapter and just, hooh boy.

Spades: This boy did not like using paragraphs.

Spades: My number one pet peeve; not breaking your fic up into paragraphs. Fuck, this is going to be _fun_.

M.C.: Some people, I guess, are allergic to the enter key.

**it was five days after i left my home for the villafe of Konohagakure**

M.C.: Wow, you spelt “Konohagakure” right, but you can’t spell “village”.

M.C.: Impressive.

**nd when i got there i met a girl who was realy hot her name was sakura i also met this her friends naruto sasuke and kakashi they called themselve team 7. anyway my name is ronan beelzub.**

Spades: Shouldn’t you have introduced yourself from the start? That kind of transition is going to give readers whiplash.

M.C.: I can already _feel_ my brain dying.

**i a 13 years old and have just come to the town. i am 6" tall**

Spades: HAH! Thirteen years old and he’s already taller than you!

M.C: Fuck off.

**and hav dark blue hair dat looks like justin beibers hiar (i dont liek him tho FUCK HIM HE SUCKS ALL MODERN MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS).**

M.C.: Anyone with actual intelligence knows that music is subjective in nature. No music actually ‘sucks’.

Spades: Oh boy, he’s one of _those_ kids, too.

**i am very muscula r and have 28' around biceps and hiuge pecx and then i also have a huge dick its almost 2 fet long and realy fat plus i cum a lot ok).**

M.C.: So… basically it’s that this is a preteen, but he looks like a thirty-year-old body builder. Good to know.

Spades: Hold the phone, hold on, M.C.! I think you’re missing the important part here.

Spades: _No one told me this was going to be rated M._

M.C.: Eh? I thought you knew? Sorry.

Spades: Uuuuuuugh. I am not a fan of smut. I hate _terribly written_ smut even more.

M.C.: This is going to be fun?

Spades: This is going to be fuuuun.

M.C.: We’ll survive. Somehow.

**i was realy ecited about moving to a new town becaus se i wuld finaly have sum new pusy to fuck havin hav sex with all da otter girls in my old town.**

Spades: You are thirteen. YOU. ARE. THIRTEEN. You shouldn’t be having sex!

M.C.: It’s fanfic, Spades. Wish fulfillment.

**since i was yu ng i knew i was specal becuae i could shot dark blu tlight outta my hands. it blew holes in stuff and was realy powerful, but i didnt show anybody it becauz i was afraid dey wouldnt understand it and because i.**

M.C.: “Because I…” what? You got to finish your sentences, man.

Spades: I love how lacking in detail it is. He can shoot blue light out of his hands and it blew holes in stuff. What kind of stuff? How is _light_ blowing a hole in something? Will we ever find out? Not a chance. **  
  
the new ton was so diffent because it was japan and im not japanese im american and hapan is different from america tho this wasnt realy japan it was one of the shinobi natons. **

Spades: The author does realize that Naruto takes place in an _alternate universe_ , that is, there is _no Japan or America_?

M.C.: The author can’t even spell “town”. You think he cared enough to look up if Naruto actually took place in Japan?

**but i was so cool becauze the girl all sexy and shit and i wanted to fuck them and their dripping wet pussies.**

Spades: Uuuuuuuugh. I feel so gross just reading this.

Spades: Oh, oh God!

Spades: Does this count as child porn? The characters are thirteen, and I’m pretty sure this got written by a minor. We’re going to end up reading about this thirteen-year-old douchebag fucking Sakura!

Spades: M.C.! ARE WE GOING TO BE ARRESTED BY THE FBI FOR READING THIS?

M.C.: Jesus fuck! Calm down! **  
  
i waz wuring a realy big black cloak and den had a red shoe on and then a bigchain on my neck and around my waist and also had a headband (LIKE THE ONE IN THE SHOW EXCEPT MINE GLOWS BLUE AROUND IT ND HAs knives in it). **

M.C.: He clearly missed the point of the headbands and the meaning of their symbols.

M.C.: For those who don’t know, and if you’re reading this, I’d hope you know, the headband generally tells you which village you came from. Or at least where the headband came from.

M.C.: There’s not a ‘Build-a-Bear’ system for headbands.

Spades: Here you are focusing on the headband, and I’m just laughing because apparently what’s-his-face is just wearing a single shoe that he probably stole from Deku.

**when i got out of our hummer sakura and her friends were shocked to see me becauz of the headband they were like "omg i cant believe this u must be one of us. we have a lot to tell you so please cum on the temple over thar and we can do it".**

Spades: Uuuuuuuugh!

Spades: I hate when these fics shoehorn modern shit like cars in a non-modern world!

M.C.: Is Naruto really not that modern? I don’t think they have Hummers, but they have other kinds of technology.

M.C.: But seriously. Did the guy watch Naruto _at all_? I haven’t seen it in probably ten years by now and even I know that no one would act like that because you’re wearing a headband.

M.C.: Ninja’s are pretty damn popular in the shinobi world of Naruto. It’s kind of their main business.

Spades: Also, what temple?

**then my headband gowed and tey all gasped "how is this possible i can sense u have much powr 2 show us so cum over to that temple and i will show you everything including our" she said. then i took of my headband the knives grew out and they said "u r very special and have powers greater than our own wen u com to the temple ova ther we will be strong**

M.C.: Reading this makes my brain hurt.

Spades: It’s painful, but we must soldier on for the readers.

**and then a huge SNAKE FELL FROM THE BLACK sky IT WaS OCHIMURA!**

M.C.: Suddenly the sky is black? What is this, Gothic Naruto?

Spades: Orochimaru, I hate you so much, but please, please, _please_ kill What’s-his-name.

**  
they told me2 s tand back becus i cldnt not handke this so they fught as hard as they guld using their ninja powers but one by one they were deafeted. first sasuke then kakashi then naruto and then sakura.**

M.C.: Granted it’s been a while but I can kind of see this happening?

Spades: Considering they’re still thirteen at this point and the Shippuden arcs haven’t happened? Yeah. Kakashi could probably hold his own against Orochimaru, at least he’d have a better chance than the others.

**when he had sakura i shouted "let HER GO YOIU MONSTER."**

M.C.: You’ve known her for all of five seconds.

**allf of a sudden my eyes turned blue and i began to float my powers were taking hold of me and they were all shocked. i grew 10 feet taller**

Spades: --!

M.C.: Not. A. Word.

**and began to fighrt orichimaura as best i could saving sakura and blasting him with hot beams of blue light.**

Spades: You’re sixteen feet tall now. Just step on the creepy man.

**sakura fell and i caught her by saving her and orcimaru felt to te ground badly heart and then i waved my hands with blue light shooting out and he was lifted up and thrown and hurt badly.**

M.C.: Top Ten Worst Written Fight Scenes.

Spades: This is definitely in the Top Five.

**i flew over to him and roared at him he was scared. everybody else was amazing i did this and he was too but he said "u are not as powerugfukl as you think i will be back youl see and ull die"**

Spades: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but.

Spades: I’m actually rooting for Orochimaru.

M.C.: Same. Kill him Snake Man. Kill him.

**amd then he vanished!1! right after he fvainehs i fell down 2 the ground and shrunk back to regular size all my human stength had been drained and i ached.**

M.C.: If only he’d broken his neck as he fell.

Spades: Wishful thinking.

**sakura ran to my side saying "you are more powerful than all of us combined. u are the chosen 1 to defeat orochimaru.**

Spades: Why are these authors so obsessed with the “Chosen One” trope?

Spades: _It’s not even that good of a trope!_

M.C.: And Orochimaru isn’t even the greatest threat in the Naruto universe?

M.C.: There is still Madara, the Akatsuki, oh—and actual _Gods_!

M.C.: Ahem, sorry, “Celestial Beings”

Spades: Orochimaru seems kind of smalltime compared to Kaguya. He’s a prominent villain, don’t get me wrong, but, yeah, not the Final Boss kind of villain.

**thank u for saving my life then she kissed me and rubbed my crotch saying**

Spades: Hrrrk!

Spades: Sorry, I almost threw up in my mouth.

**"you are very big now lets go to the temple and u can heel then we can talk about u" they all carried me back 2 the temple and i blaked out as we entered**

M.C.: Okay, seriously!

M.C.: WHAT TEMPLE?

M.C.: The only thing close to a temple I can think of is the Naka Shrine—

M.C.: And that’s in the Uchiha property!

M.C.: What the actual fuck? **  
  
OK THATS THE FIRST CHAPTER I REALY WANT AT LEAST 2 REVIEWS UNTIL I PU BLISH THE SECOND CHAPTER, I NEED 2 NOW PPL R READIN MY STORY. **

Spades: Okay, okay.

Spades: As a writer, I can completely understand wanting to know people are actually reading your story.

Spades: This bit is completely valid.

**I KNOW ITS kind of different and darkier than usual but please give me a chance its going to get so much awesome.**

M.C.: Eh… what?

M.C.: You’ve never read horror, have you? Or crime novels? Or anything that’s actually dark?

Spades: The book I’m currently working on is darker than this, and I wouldn’t even consider that dark yet, a medium-grey at best.

Spades: This fic isn’t dark. It’s horny.

**AEVRRY NARUTO FAN WILL LOV THIS. IF YOU LUV NARUTO WRITE A REVIEW PK PLEASE.**

* * *

M.C.: I think the Naruto fans hated this because of how much it butchered the established world and characters.

The lights of the stage shifted, brightening up all around while the spotlights dimmed. The cups of water had been drained, the two had shifted in their spots on the couch time and time again during the review so that they were now splayed across on different ends in ridiculous manners.

M.C. groaned, trying to bury his head between the couch cushions. “That was _worse_ than when we read _My Immortal_! How could it have been worse?”

“Because we’re older, wiser, have a better understanding of writing so the parts that are bad stand out more to us now,” Spades offered, grimacing as she shook her head. “I think if the author wasn’t so blatantly horny, it wouldn’t have been _that_ bad for me? I can accept the obnoxious overpowered characters, the inane abilities without explanation. It’s a trollfic, it’s to be expected. I just…”

“The idea that this thirteen-year-old is banging people bothers you that much?”

She threw her hands up into the air. “None of the other stories we’ve done bothered me that much when they did it. I don’t know why this one in particular gets my goat so much!”

M.C. snickered. “Seriously?” he asked, pushing himself up just enough to crawl over to her, resting his head against her leg when he got close enough. “Gets your goat? Really, now?”

“It’s a valid saying!”

He chucked, closing his eyes. “Sure, sure. Now shut up, I wanna sleep.” Her leg would make for a good enough pillow for now. So long as he got to sleep and forget this nightmare even happened.

Except that wasn’t going to happen because Spades pushed him off the couch as soon as he had relaxed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Spades here. This chapter is gross and cements the fact that the original story is unnecessarily horny. I hate it. Hope you guys enjoy it.

“Ah, shit. Here we go again,” M.C. grumbled as they took a seat on the couch. “You know what, I think I might take you up on that drinking game. It might be what makes this that much more tolerable.”

Spades shook her head, “I left _Criminal Minds_ to read these. So this chapter had better be good,” she began, then paused as if to reevaluate her own words. “Not that I expect it to be. But honestly? I have a bad feeling about this chapter, it sets my stomach roiling and I don’t know why.”

He grimaced, reached over and patted her on the shoulder. “We’ve been through worse, Spades. We read _My Immortal_ , the dumpster fire that was _Starkit’s Prophecy._ We can get through this. Jeeze… You’re the one who’s supposed to be the one looking on the bright side, not me. This story is already fucking with our heads.”

“Think there’s any way we can sneak out of here and avoid having to do this altogether?” As she suggested that, Spades looked over to the emergency exit. “If we’re quick, we can get out before anyone notices, and I’m quick.”

M.C. chuckled, but didn’t deign it with a response. He didn’t have to. As soon as Spades moved to get up, the empty space on the couch between her and M.C. was a bit less empty as a waffle iron was thrown with deadly accuracy right between them, embedding itself a few inches into the soft cushions.

Not even that far in and already the studio would need to replace some furniture.

Sitting comfortably, Khaxan grinned as he kicked his feet up onto the back of the seats in the row in front of him. He raised a hand in a wave, in his other he had a freshly cooked waffle. “So, the review, eh?” he prodded, taking a bite of his waffle, brushing crumbs off his purple sweater. “Gonna get onto it?”

Now M.C. was full on laughing as he watched the color slowly return to Spades face. She slowly lowered herself back to her seat, looking from the exit to Khaxan.

“…Gonna share any of the waffles?” Another waffle was thrown up to the stage. “Thank you!”

With the bit of fluff text done, it was time for the show to begin. The lights dimmed, the spotlight turned on. With the projector before them lowered, the text fading into view. Chapter Two of Vengeance Revelations, let’s do this.

* * *

**ok im really mad cuz i didnt get more den 1 review for the first chapter**

Spades: Sometimes it be like that, my man. You got to learn to deal with it.

Spades: You look at what was wrong with the story, improve, and hope for a better outcome.

M.C.: Considering what a fucking nightmare the first chapter was, I’m surprised it got one review.

**so I hope this is different because its good and youl like it or if not FUCKING FUCK YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS**

Spades: …Wow.

M.C.: And I thought _I_ had angry outbursts.

**Chatprt 2: RONAN AWAKE**

**Safter da bog battle i was very tried and hurt so everybody helped me, even tho i wus more powerful then theme so now i was hurt and had blaked out after the fight with ochimura.**

Spades: There was a bog battle? A battle in a bog? Were there boy witches? Did the witches win- oh who am I kidding, it’s a bog witch, of course she won!

Spades: The important question is why weren’t we shown the Battle of the Bog?

Spades: I am disappointed.

**when i woke up it was the next day and everty body was glad 2 c me bacj.**

M.C.: Sure they were.

M.C.: Secretly, they tried to kill you in your sleep but someone kept interrupting their attempts at murder.

**sakura and i then began 2 hav sex when i saw her cunt leaking juice onto the floor.**

Spades: Hrrk!

Spades: Oh fuck.

M.C.: Ah, here. I got you a trashcan.

Spades: Uuuugh thanks. I’m gonna need it.

**i virgously fucked her hot tight and steamy pussy tho she almost couldnt handle it du to my giant fucking huge dick. it was so big it went into her organs**

Spades: Urk! Hnng *Currently making good use of the trashcan*

M.C.: …What.

M.C.: It… went… into her _organs_?

M.C.: What the actual fuck?!

**tho she didnt get hurt except for a bit.**

M.C.: I’d say it hurt her a fucking lot!

M.C.: IN HER ORGANS!

M.C.: THOSE ARE KIND OF FUCKING IMPORTANT!

M.C.: WHAT THE FUCK?

**as my penis went back and forth inside her vagina we both bagn to moan in pleasur sexily. i waz ready to cum when she said "pul out big boy' so i did and then cumed on her face the hot load of cum was so big that it complete drenche d her and made her hair really wet and sticky so she then started licking and sucking on her hair and sucked on my cock at the same time but this time she swallowed me and she got ful on my yum cum (rimed lol!).**

M.C.: I think I need… uuurgh…

M.C.: I threw up in my mouth a little reading that.

Spades: Eugh, ah…hrk!

Spades: Oh… Enkindlers… what…wha-urgh…

M.C.: I want _My Immortal’s_ idea of a sex scene back.

M.C.: Fuck… I would rather be reading _My Immortal_ right now.

Spades: I… yeah… fuck…

Spades: Can I…. I need some water, oh Enkindlers my mouth tastes awful. I need to rinse.

M.C.: Here, take mine.

M.C.: Feeling better now?

Spades: For now. I’m not looking forward to the next bang session. **  
  
later she showde me the temple and doho and stuff and it was really cool.**

Spades: In continuation from the last chapter;

Spades: WHAT. TEMPLE?

**it was suny outside. i saw the other guys practicing tho i was egear to se e sakura practic her hot and lushus moves. i new it would be senshual and sexu. her sweaty and heaving body kicked and bound and leaped**

M.C.: This is legit painful to read.

M.C.: Why did we agree to this?

**and when she was all done and hot she rubbed her butt up against my huge cock and acidently let out a fart. "excuse me haha. accident' but i liked it so i asked her to do it again it was incredibly hot and i knew i wanted to fuck her ass next.**

Spades: What the fuck?

Spades: People who like sex, I have an important question for you.

Spades: WHAT THE FUCK? Is there an actual fart kink?

M.C.: It’s kind of gross.

**we went into da dojo and fuked it was noghtime and the suoon was out now because it was night.**

Spades: Oh, oh Enkindlers, this again?

Spades: So soon?

**i ramed my dick into her ass and she took it like a fucking bitch. i yotally dominated her. then we we wur fucking Orochimaru**

M.C.: …Honestly, this isn’t the most random of sudden threesome I’ve read coming from these kinds of fics.

**came and yelled and then kidnaped SAKURA1!**

Spades: Actually, it’s more like he _rescued_ Sakura.

Spades: Important difference there.

**I YELLED NO! but he was gun**

M.C.: Look out!

M.C.: Orochimaru has learned the Gun no Jutsu!

M.C.: He can now turn into a Glock!

**i knew i had to get her back so i asked the other guys to help me even tho they were really weak compard to me.**

Spades: Yeah. “Weak”.

Spades: You never watched the show, have you?

**little did dey no that depe inside me laid the powerful spirit of a ancient creature and it was about to take over when i saved sakura...**

M.C.: Huh. Looks like you got something in common with Naruto then.

Spades: Why isn’t _Naruto_ freaking out? This takes place in the first half of the show. He’s kind of hardcore crushing on her right now.

Spades: Also he’s all about friendships and loyalty.

Spades: He was absolutely obsessed when Sasuke ran away with the Snake Man, why isn’t he the same when Snake Man kidnapped Sakura!? **  
  
k so that was the secund chapert i hope it was god please right more reviws i nrealy ned them because they are good but dont flame please fucking dont flam fuckers.**

M.C.: I think you misunderstand what it is we do here, sir.

M.C.: We are in the business of flames and nothing less.

* * *

“ _Uuuugh!”_ Spades groaned, already hunching over the trashcan, coughing and gagging as she threw up once again. M.C. frowned, offering her a light back pats and little rubs to try and make her feel better. “Ooooh fuck…” she coughed, her body shuddering and shaking as she retched into the plastic bin.

M.C. looked around helplessly, finding some relief as Alejandro hurried over with some bottles of water and a damp washcloth. Good. She was going to need those once she was finished puking her guts out. Not that he could blame her at all. He had felt like puking a few times while reading that story.

And boy was he being serious when he brought up _My Immortal._ Once that sex scene came on, there was nothing that M.C. would have wanted more than to be back to _My Immortal_ and reading it’s first scene, where the entire moment was showcased in two sentences: Draco put his thingy in her you-know-what, and then after a few moans she orgasmed. Then everything was made better by Dumbledore’s dramatic entrance.

But, alas, the scene was grotesque, drawn out, and there was no Dumbledore to make it all better in the end.

Honestly, the more that he read this this nightmare, the more M.C. became convinced that _Vengeance Revelations_ was worse than _My Immortal._ Oh, he’s sorry. _Veangence Revelaitons._ But the point is that it has, so far, been worse than _My Immortal,_ and that alone was a feat in itself. At least he could enjoy Gothic Hogwarts to a degree, and Tara was a better speller. This one, though?

This was a nightmare.

“Uuugh,” Spades groaned, letting Alejandro take the filthy bin after she rinsed her mouth clean with water and spat it out. She grimaced, wiping her face and neck clean with the damp cloth the intern had brought. “I regret everything, M.C. Why did we agree to this?”

He offered her a small smile. “You were so excited and eager in the beginning,” he teased.

But she didn’t return his smile, instead she flopped against him taking her time to drink some water. When she had finished, she looked up at him. “I don’t think I can do seventy chapters of this, I really don’t,” Spades admitted, and then threw the empty bottle off to the side, letting it bounce against the floor and roll away. “I went to college! I got a degree in English! And for what? This? What the fuck, man?”

“Come on. We got an hour before break is over and we resume. Let’s make the most of it to recharge,” M.C. looked around furrowing his brows a little. “Hey! Khaxan! Go and order us a pizza or something! Or maybe get us some more waffles!”


	4. Journey to Sakura

Seated on the couch once again, with said couch patched up from the waffle iron incident (Though ‘patched up’ was generous considering it was a layer of ducktape over the hole), M.C. and Spades had returned from their short break to go through this rage inducing story some more.

“Alright Okay. I’m good, I’m here and I am good,” Spades said, breathing in deeply and then exhaling slowly. “I won’t get mad. I won’t let Jake piss me off with whatever he does in this story.

M.C. patted her on the shoulder with a sympathetic look, knowing full well that she was going to get pissed at whatever Jake wrote this chapter.

“You guys need some more waffles?” Khaxan asked, walking by with a waiters vest over his sweater, a serving tray balanced on a hand with a plate of fresh waffles on it. “They’re _chocolate chip_ ~!”

Spades watched, reached for the plate, and then drew back her hand as she thought better on it. “Yeah, no. I think it might be better for me to go into this with an empty stomach,” she decided.

“Suit yourself.”

With that, he picked a waffle up with his tail and tossed it into his mouth. It was a rather weird image seeing him swallow an entire waffle whole, but he did that. “Anyways, you guys get on with your review. And yes, I’m going to be sitting right here the whole time, just to make sure you two don’t try making a run for it.”

To accentuate his point, Khaxan jumped from the stage and landed perfectly into the chairs facing them. He kicked his feet up, leaned back, and with his cocky smile, continued to eat his waffles.

Spades clapped, but there was no energy or enthusiasm behind it.

“ _Yay_.”

Clearing his throat and hoping to get this back on track, M.C. looked at the camera, grimaced, and then cleared his throat again. “Right. Ah… right. So, we’re finally able to see all the reviews and comments people are leaving. That’s good. Not sure what kind of glitch we had been dealing with, but we’re glad it’s done. But, on that track, we’ve some things to say before we get to the story.”

“And we’re definitely, cross our hearts and hope to die, _not_ trying to stall for time and drag this out as long as we can so we _don’t_ have to read this fanfic,” Spades added, cracking a light grin finally. “But, yeah! Announcements! We’re glad so many people are happy to see us back—we were glad to be back.”

“This story is making us regret it, though.”

“Most certainly!”

M.C. chuckled and nodded. “But, yeah. We had assumed that Jake Whatever-It-Was wasn’t a real person. That tends to be the case with these stories, you know? _No one_ is this terrible of a writer,” he paused and thought his words over. “I hope so, at least. But, yeah. When we’re raging at the author, we’re really just raging at the persona he undertook to write this. Because so far? The author behind this was an evil mastermind, a true monster to torture us all with this trollfic. I kind of can’t help but admire him for it.”

“I _don’t_!” Spades spat, shuddering. “Sorry. Sorry. I’m still not over the last chapter. I swear I’m going to have nightmares when we go home.”

She hugged herself a little as if to make a point, glared at seemingly nothing, and then did a 180. Grinning, she lunged at M.C., wrapping her arm around his neck to pull him close. “Anyways! We’re actually doing the reviews in chunks, so we can have a more consistent update schedule. These bits here that you’re reading right now? We’re alternating who writes them from chapter to chapter, so we’re not overworking ourselves. But! More important! Really important! Muchos Importante!”

“I don’t think you said that right.”

“Not important!” she shushed. “M.C. here has made us an AO3 account where we are posting this as well. The important part is that he is also slowly transferring all our old MST stories to AO3 as well. He’s cleaning them up, adding to the commentaries, improving them, and I think he’s even adding these prose bits at the start and end of some chapters.”

Scratching his cheek, M.C. tried to shrug. “Well, I figured, this site has deleted _Burning My Immortal to the Ground_ twice now. As far as I know, AO3 Isn’t as picky. So, the plan is we’ll have all our stories there, so in case they get deleted here, they won’t be lost,” he said. “Plus, we’ll be adding other stories there, too. We might bring back that failure of a Talk Show we did on Fictionpress. We might have some crackfics up there. Hell, maybe Spades might post some of her own work on there.”

“Not a chance,” she cut in quickly, shaking her head. “I’ve already got my own account on the site that I post my fics on. It’d be confusing if I start posting them on our shared one.”

“Eh. Alright. Anyways, I think that about covers it for right now,” M.C. said, looking around as if for something to prove him wrong. All he saw was ROM at the edge of the stage, looking as annoyed as a robot could at how long they’ve already dragged out this tidbit of fluff text. “Okay, okay. Let’s get onto the review!”

* * *

**Authurs Note: GOD WTF u motherfuking alsohs ok duck u. justf uck you.**

M.C.: Yeah, insult and yell at your readers. Great strategy.

M.C.: Bound to get you more.

**I DONT NEED 2 CHANGE MY SPELING ITS GOOD BESIdes wtf d u guya kno! this is a gr8 story so just shut the fuk up and READ it u bitchcunties!**

Spades: Actually, no. You do need to change your spelling because it’s absolutely atrocious. It’s an insult to every writer out there. The highest offense warranting the death sentence.

Spades: A story needs to be spelled right to be good, and this one…

Spades: This story is shit. **  
  
Chapter 3: journey 2 sakura**

M.C.: Maybe she doesn’t want to be saved.

M.C.: Ever think of that?

Spades: I would rather _die_ than be saved by Ronan.

**it was nightime and me and sasuke and were angry and hungry we wanted 2 find sasuke so we tried but couldt.**

M.C.: You’re struggling to find Sasuke

M.C.: Who is right beside you.

M.C.: Or is there a second Sasuke we forgot about?

**as we kept looking we decided it was time to realy set out into the shinobi nations becus we had no idea were orishimura had taken her 2. i just hoped he wasnt dead because i loved her.**

Spades: You hope Orochimaru isn’t dead?

M.C.: No, no, no, Spades.

M.C.: He’s hoping Orishimura dies.

M.C: No idea who that is, though.

**we went across da world lookin for her and we camped and stuff. the first nit was rhard because we werent used 2 eachoter so ok.**

Spades: I got an English degree.

Spades: And I’m wasting it on this.

**"hey wtf are u doing RONAN?" said sasuke when he saw me suking my own cock while jaking ogg 2 a pic of sakura.**

M.C.: I mean, he’s pretty flexible for a musclebound thirteen-year-old

M.C.: Doesn’t make it any less gross.

Spades: I want to cry.

Spades: I hate this so much.

**"Wat does oit look like 2 u fuker?" i culd c he was jealus of me alot becuz his penis was small and so was narutos and kakshi dey tidnt have a giant fuckin cock like me**

M.C.: What is this guy’s obsession with his own dick?

**and then i blasted a blew light at hgim and he went flyin away so i was left alone to continue sukin my huge dick and then i cumed allover sakuras hot picture where hur peussy was soakung wet and her tits were hung like double L Cup .**

Spades: She’s…

Spades: She’s _thirteen!_

Spades: What the fuck is wrong with you?

**they were so big they hurt her back and slaped back and forth when she walked and she loved it when i stuck my cock in there because it was hot and big enuff for her giant fucking tits. she loved milking them and giing me the milk AHHHHHH I was cummung it was so good i missed sasuke i had ti find her that hot fuking gassy slut**

M.C: You’ve known her for a single day.

Spades: YOUR BOTH THIRTEEN YEARS OLD.

Spades: _What the fuck?_ **  
  
MEANWILE IN OROCIMURAS LAYAR  
  
**

M.C.: Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom!

**  
HAHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I GOT U U FUCKING SLUT NOBODY WILL GET U BAC AESPCIALY NOT RONAN U R MINE FOREVER HAHAHAHAHHASGHDDHDHDH!11!**

Spades: And suddenly the author forgot about quotation marks.

Spades: This would be a lot more convincing if it was Sasuke he had captured.

**but den sakura scramed and siad PLEASE OMG RONAN PLEASE OMG HELP ME AHHH GOD WHY HELP NOW PLEASE!**

M.C.: Sakura! You can fight him!

M.C.: YOU’RE A DAMN NINJA FIGHT HIM!

**i culd tell she was in disstress when she lyeeld**

Spades: When she… what?

Spades: Lveeld?

Spades: Leveled?

Spades: That doesn’t even make sense.

**and i knew we wur close so i got sasuke kakashi and naruto to get the fuck up aso we could all go save her. shes a girl so i know how scary orhcimura must beand how much shed need saving.**

M.C.: Oooh boy.

M.C.: You really should be careful of what you sa—

Spades: Excuse me?

Spades: _EXCUSE ME?!_

Spades: Because she’s a _girl_?!

Spades: Oooooooh I actually want to meet you now.

Spades: So I can kick your goddamn ass!

**i started 2 gwt a huge fucking hard on when i reaized she must be realy hot and sweaty and be wearin riped close in oriahcimauras cave god its so fuing hot i burst my huge nut right there**

Spades: Hrrk!

Spades: Someone get me another bucket, I feel like I’m gonna puke.

M.C.: Okay that’s gross, and going to be super uncomfortable running in soiled underpants.

M.C.: Also, what the fuck is wrong with you, you’re getting off at the idea of Sakura being hurt!

**anyway we kept runing and runing and den fell cuz we were in orhcoaimuras cave !**

M.C.: Because you clearly never looked where you were running.

**I YOU KNOW HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!111! UELLED PROCIMAUR NOW I WILL KILL U ALL AND I KEW HE WAST LYING BECAUSE HE WAS EVIL AND HE YELLED I AM GOING TO HAHAHAHHAA!**

Spades: Why does he hate using quotation marks for the Snake Man?

**he ce[t ;aigjomg sadistically aBUT THEN**

M.C.: Oh boy, spelling got worse!

Spades: Ce[t ;aigiomg?

M.C.: ‘Felt laughing’? Did he just have his hands on the wrong keys and not bother to fix it?

M.C.: Who am I kidding he’s intentionally not fixing any spelling mistakes. **  
  
A huge blue burst came out of me and it was my powderful spirit that lurkt deep inside me it was A GIANT BLUE FLAMED DRAGAON AND IT BLEW BLUE FIRE IT LOOKED KINDA LIKE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON FROM YUGIOH**

Spades: As someone who loves dragons,

Spades: And I _love_ dragons they make everything better,

Spades: This sucks.

Spades: So much.

**and it flew over to orochimuatr and our fiht BEGAN!  
  
ok so dats da end of chaptah 3 i know is pretty dark and scray but i promise its gonna get even more awesome.**

M.C.: Pfft.

M.C.: Scary? Dark? The fuck?

M.C.: This is nothing. Check out Spades writing serial killers and murders if you want actual grimdark shit.

Spades: I can write a pretty mean torture scene when I want to.

Spades: I had the protagonist of one of my works get beaten half to death in once scene, and then nearly killed via stab to the heart two chapters later.

Spades: And in a different project I’ve had a group of teenage thugs get beaten to a pulp by baseball bats and then doused with lighter fluid and set on fire to burn to death.

Spades: That’s dark. This? This is gross.

**hard 2 imagine i kno right lol. BUT PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE OR ELSE I AM GO !**

M.C.: You’re right. It is hard to imagine this will get better.

* * *

“And that’s a wrap!” ROM announced loudly, walking onto the stage and clapping his metallic hands together. Behind him followed Debra and Alejandro. “Good work everyone. We’re making good progress so far, everyone deserves a pat on the back.”

Khaxan yawned, shoving himself up from his seat. “This is so boring,” he complained dramatically. “Where’s the blood and guts? The murder? The mayhem? The gory carnage? Jake promised this would be dark and scary, but it’s nothing of the sorts!” He looked genuinely offended and disappointed by the story so far.

M.C. shrugged, getting up from his seat. It was to be expected. This was a trollfic. It was going to be a garbage fanfic. Why get your hopes up over it?

“Say, Spades. Ready to head back home?” he asked, looking to Spades.

Only, Spades wasn’t in her seat. The sound of heavy doors slamming shut was their only sign that she hightailed it out of the studio as soon as the lights turned on. She _really_ did not want to be here anymore, it seemed.


	5. This Is So Painful To Read Why Are We Doing This To Ourselves?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of posting this particular chapter, we have up to chapter 8 already made and ready to go.

The lights were on, the studio bustling with movement as the monkeys ran all about to set up for that morning’s session. M.C. shouldered the door open, carrying a cup holder with four different coffees safely and securely inside, a different Styrofoam cup of coffee held in his free hand. He looked stylishly-disheveled and as irritable as ever.

“Morning,” M.C. greeted with a yawn as he passed by Abe the gorilla.

Abe grunted.

He walked deeper into the studio and found the others on the stage, adjusting lights and the furniture position. The couch still wasn’t properly fixed, with just a fresh layer of duck-tape over the hole Khaxan left in it. M.C. yawned again placed the holder on the stylishly modern coffee table. “Morning. I brought you assholes coffee.”

“Yippe!” Khaxan cheered, letting go of the light he had been holding to jump off his ladder. The light promptly fell and nearly crushed Alejandro under it. He sauntered over to the table and plucked the one marked with ‘K’ from the holder. “You made sure to have them put soy milk in it, right?”

“Of course,” M.C. nodded, taking a sip of his own coffee. He had it made as black as his soul—and so it had a splash of almond milk and three spoonful’s of sugar.

Debra smiled, helping Alejandro to put down light and then the two walked over to grab their own coffees. “Thank you for doing this, M.C.”

“It was really nice,” Alejandro added.

He shrugged, dropping himself down onto the couch and picking up the reports ROM printed out for him and Spades to read before each review. “Eh. Least I could do. You guys are having to deal with this shit of a story just as much as us, and you have to get here earlier than us,” he pointed out, and rolled his eyes. “Plus, breakroom coffee tastes absolutely terrible.”

Khaxan laughed, tearing the lid off his coffee to down it all at once. “Cheers to that!”

As M.C. drank, he glanced to Khaxan and really looked at him. The demon lord was dressed as he usually was. Torn jeans and an oversized sweater. This time it was a striped one with pastel pinks and whites. He frowned. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask for a long while now. What the fuck is with all the sweaters?” M.C. gestured to Khaxan with the hand holding his coffee. “You’re supposed to be this terrifying, malicious, demonic overlord with a penchant for murderer. The sweaters kind of take away from that image.”

“Oh? You think?” Khaxan asked and laughed, moving to let his tail wrap around the coffee so that his hands were free to pull on the fabric. “I think they’re cute, and they’re super comfy. Besides, I’m off the clock as a demon overlord, no need to uphold the image, you know?”

“Where are you getting these from?”

The demon smiled and shrugged. “My girlfriend made me a whole bunch during your hiatus.”

“Ah. I see,” M.C. nodded and took a drink of coffee. Only to promptly spit it out and start coughing. “I’m sorry. _What_? Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend? When did that happen?”

Khaxan didn’t answer, he just kept laughing and laughing, drinking his coffee and walking away to finish up with his work, leaving M.C. confused and angry on the stage, trying to clean up the coffee off the couch and off the table.

While he was doing that, Debra walked over. “Hey, M.C.?” she asked, looking down at her clipboard. “Where is Spades?”

It was then that M.C. noticed something had been very wrong since he got here. “You mean she’s not here?” he asked, looking at the ‘S’ marked cup that had been untouched. “I texted her to remind her, I assumed she was already here.”

Well… fuck.

Spades was skipping.

Not that he could blame her. This story was painful to read. 

“I guess we’re just going to have to cancel today’s session. So terrible, I’m just heartbroken about it,” M.C. said in a dry voice, used paper towels in his hands as he cleaned his mess up as best as he could and tossed them in the small trash can hidden under the coffee table. He then proceeded to stand up. “Well! It was nice seeing you guys. See you next time!”

“Sit back down.”

M.C. felt a chill down his spine and looked behind himself.

There stood ROM in his metallic glory. Under one of his arms was Spades, bound and gagged. He walked across the stage, footsteps heavy, and deposited her on the couch beside M.C. “There. Now she’s here. You two can proceed as normally.”

Fuck.

Under their robotic overlords watchful gaze, M.C. begrudgingly untied Spades and pulled the rag from her mouth. “Gave it your best shot?” he asked.

“I hid behind the boxes in the crawlspace under my stairs,” Spades answered, grimacing. “With how easy he found me, I swear he’s put a tracker under our skin.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” M.C. grabbed the ‘S’ cup and held it out to her. “Here, your hot chocolate. Probably not as hot anymore.”

She smiled, but it was a grimace, taking the cup and taking a long drink from it. “Spike it with some vodka and this review might be tolerable,” she said when she finished, glaring at ROM for a moment before she settled into her seat. “Okay, okay. Let’s get this session done. Sooner we get these seventy-some chapters out of the way, the sooner we can find something less painful to read.”

“Right. Let’s go.”

* * *

**Autors note: hey FCKING FLAMERS. you dONT HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT**

Spades: I have a DEGREE when it comes to English and writing.

Spades: I’d say I sure as Hell know what I’m talking about.

**I SAW ALL YOU GUYS REVIEW ME TODAY AND IT REALLY PISSED ME THE FUCK OF FUCKERS. SO NOW IM GONA SHOW U GUYS HOW RAWESME MY STORY CAN BE FUCKERS.**

M.C.: Sorry, nothing, not alcohol nor drugs, can make this story good.

**I BET MOST OF U ASSHOLES DONT EVEN FUCKING LIKE ANIME. WELL GUESS WHAT FUCK U! WESTERN NIMEATION FUKING SUCKS COCK! ANIME IS BETTER AND ALWAYS WILL B U FUKING ASSHOLES!**

M.C.: Say that to shows such as _Avatar_ , _She-Ra_ , _The Dragon Prince,_ and _Carmen Sandiego_.

Spades: Don’t forget _Teen Titans_. Not _TTG_. OH, and Disney. Disney makes some good movies.

**ITS GOT BETER QUALITY AND STORY AND ITS NOT FOR BABIES LIKE AMERICA ANIMETD SHOW**

M.C.: I fucking hate people with this kind of mindset.

Spades: Trust me, there is a _lot_ of shitty anime.

**AND BET U LOSERS LIKE FUKING LADY GAG OR SYM MODERN POP SHIT LIKE HRE!**

Spades: Lady Gaga is a _Queen_!

Spades: You will say her name with respect or you will not say it at all!

 **FUCK YOU FUCKERS! NARUTO FUCING ROCKS! WHO THE FYUCK IS TARA? ARE YOU CALLING ME A FUCKING PUSSY GIRL? FUYCK OGGGG! I AM A 13 YEAR OLD BOY THAT MEANS I AM MATURE UNLIK U LITTLE BABIES HAHAHA FUCKING FAGS!  
** M.C.: And yet you are proving the exact opposite.

M.C.: But wow. The edgelord rage. It’s just…

M.C.: Pitiful.

**  
anywya so im gonna contiue my story now. all u FANS (I FUCKING HAVE THEM FUCKERS)**

Spades: I call bullshit.

**can keep on readin and lovin it and all u girls get ur pussies drippin wet! GUYS CAN GTFO I DONT WANT NO DUDE JAKCING OFF TO MY STORU (EXCEPT ME HAHAHA) THATS UKING GROSS. OK SO HERes the story again its awesome PROSMIE!**

M.C.: As a guy, I can promise none of us are jacking off to your story.

M.C.: I’d rather get off to _Taken by the T-Rex_ than this. And that’s weird ass dino porn.

M.C.: And I’m sure as Hell certain that no chick is aroused by this, either.

Spades: Can we just not talk about this?

Spades: _Please?_

M.C.: Sorry. You’re right. Gross topic.

**Chpter: 4. Battle with OROCIHIMARU  
  
WAM DIE ORCHIMAUR! and he fell down as my dragon spirit roared and spit at hom. he was hurt but he didnt kno want 2 do so he left. **

Spades: The most anti-climactic fight ever.

**"thats right FUCK U PUSSY U RUN LIKE A BBY GIRLIE!"**

Spades: Ooooh boy.

Spades: M.C. is supposed to be the angry one.

Spades: But we’re barely into this story and I am brimming with rage and murderous desire.

M.C.: It’s like our roles have reversed.

**i we left da cave i curried sakura in my big mscular arms and she was fainted but i could feel her cunt dripping wet it was like a huyrrican up in her pussy fuck yeah. this bitch can fuk good.**

M.C.: Here’s the trashcan, Spades.

M.C.: Also, why is this guy so damn obsessed with sex?

M.C.: I sure as Hell didn’t know anyone when I was his age that was that obsessed.

**i took her back to the temple and sauke nartuo and kakshi left while i stayed with sakura she was fainted but her pussy was so wet i just had to fuck it so whiped out my gigantic cock and starting vigorisely fucking her cunt.**

Spades: *Retching sounds* Oh… oh why…

M.C.: Okay, okay. Lemme take a breath here.

M.C.: And explain for those who seem to not know.

M.C.: What Ronan is doing, right here, right now? While Sakura is unconscious?

M.C.: THAT IS RAPE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

**it started 2 rip open and gaped and it went depper bett den thecided to fuk her in her nice fucking ass so i turned her over and shoved my monster dick in her ass**

M.C.: You don’t just—

M.C.: You can’t—

M.C.: I’m going to fucking kill him.

M.C.: I’m going to find a way to go into this story and fucking _slaughter_ this brat.

**and it went so far inside her even tho she was tight and it kept going and going and going and the i had 2 cum so when i did it went all inter her stomnach and some of ut came out of her mouth nose and eyes.**

M.C.: Oh _FUCK_ I did not need that mental image.

M.C.: Fuu-urhk, pass me the trashcan, Spades—quick!

Spades: All yours for now, I think I’ve nothing left in me to spit out.

**because she had be fucked in thehe ass o much cum ozed out of her butt and she farted so loudly it woke her up.**

Spades: Gross.

Spades: He seriously has a fart kink. It’s gross.

**"oops ahahaha. o hey ronan did u have fun? lol" ""oh yeah i did it was so sexy ur so tight and i loved fukin ur azz". "well i got something 4 u big boy she said hotly" then she started 2 spray milk from her big tuts and it soaked me so i was the wet one now lol anyway her milk was so good it tasted like her pusy misxes with vannila and strawberries**

M.C: This is so painful to read.

Spades: Urp! Mmmmmm!

Spades: Trashcan. Now.

**"mm so good baby" i said "yeah well jaronan ur cum tastz even better. wann try?"**

**"WTF HELL CUNTING BITCH! WHAT D OU THINK I AM I AM NOT A FAG I DONT WANT 2 TASTE MY OWN FUKING CUM WTF!"**

Spades: You were sucking your own dick the last chapter!

M.C.: Apparently this is how you’re supposed to talk to women, too.

**"ronan please im SORRY I DIDNT MEAN 2 UPSET U PLEASE DONT GO U DONT HAVE TO EAT UR CUM U CAN EAT SUM OF MINE MIXED WITH MY MILK ITS GOOD PLEASE NOOOO!"but i was already gone and sakura was crying histerucally.**

Spades: And here is your friendly reminder:

Spades: THEY ARE ONLY THIRTEEN.

**she needed me but i idnt really need her but i missed her dripping cunt and how god it is and she mised my cock and muyscles and sexy fucking face. she needs a man because without me shes noting and noone.**

Spades: I’m sorry. Hold on.

M.C.: Eh?

Spades: Can we go see that last bit again?

**she needed me but i idnt really need her but i missed her dripping cunt and how god it is and she mised my cock and muyscles and sexy fucking face. she needs a man because without me shes noting and noone.**

Spades: No, not the entire last bit. The last-last bit. That last sentence.

**she needs a man because without me shes noting and noone.**

Spades: Yes. That.

Spades: Men! Listen up!

Spades: If you honestly think any girl, _especially an underage girl_ , is nothing if she’s not with some man-

Spades: Kindly yeet yourself off a cliff because you are a douchebag.

**I ran to the top of a hiull and yelled "SAKURA FUCK U BITCH I LOVE YOU!" and should could hear from the temple**

M.C.: WHAT. TEMPLE?

M.C.: That bit is going to bother me for the entirety of this story. WHAT TEMPLE?

M.C.: WHY IS IT THAT IT’S SPECIFICALLY A TEMPLE THE SHINOBI STICK TO AND NOT THE ENTIRE NINJA VILLAGE?!

**me yelling but then she fell asleep and woke up and was sick. she went 2 da bathroom and used a mystical japanese pregnacy tests and she fouND OUT SHE WAS PREGNAT.**

M.C.: Oooh fuck.

M.C.: You did not…

Spades: THEY ARE THIRTEEN!

Spades: Why oh fucking why?! **  
  
dats da end of chapter 4 its getting really good aint it?**

Spades: NO.

**haha. but seriosly i need more reviews not FLAMES.**

M.C.: You came to the wrong place, we only do flames and occasional murder.

**HAHA THATS FUNNY FLAMES CUZ THATS WAT U GUYS AR FLAMING FAFS**

Spades: That wasn’t funny at all.

Spades: Also quit being such a homophobic dick.

**HAHAHAHA FUCK U GUYS SO MY SPELLING MAY NOT BE GR8 BUT THIS IS AN AMAZING STORY AND THE SEX IS SAWESOME**

M.C.: This story is an atrocity of the highest kind.

Spades: I legit feel sick reading your sex scenes.

Spades: Which is actually kind of impressive since I’ve not read many fics that make me want to throw up nearly as badly as this one.

**AND UR JUST JEALOUS OF ME BECAUSE I GET PUSSY ND U DONT FUCK OFF GOD WHY DO U PEOPLE DO THIS!**

Spades: And the bullshit reader is going off the charts! And do you know why?

Spades: Because you’re a thirteen-year-old boy who is most certainly not having sex.

Spades : ImeanyoumightactuallybehavingsexbutitalsomightnotbeentirelyconsensualandIreallydon’twanttotouchthattopicsoyeah.

M.C.: No one is jealous of you, numbnuts.

**nyway so yeah SAKYRA is regnant wats gonn happen next read and find out because its crazy and thers gonna be soke really sexy stuff and sme scary stuff 2!**

M.C.: We’ve read plenty of crazy pregnancies in these stories. Like the Chosen One baby from _Face the Strange._

M.C.: I am still convinced that Hiei is not the father of Shadow 2.0, by the way.  
  
 **OH A SHOUT 2 KATIE 2! LOVE U BABY! gives me da punandey dat sexy bitch lol.**

Spades: Katie, for your own safety

Spades: RUN BITCH RUN.


End file.
